QUICK NOTE

With a ton to do and hours before we leave, I'm quickly updating.  Got our autobiographies done and in to our social worker just in the nick of time.  Yay Rich for pulling a few late nighters!!  We will have our first sit down in the beginning of January. 

Off for a bit of a retreat with the fam for the holidays!  Have a wonderful holiday season and a healthy and happy 2011!!  We look forward to sharing way too much about ourselves with all of you :)

L, R & B

Decisions, Decisions

Interviewing agencies has taken a while.  We looked locally and nationally.  Between the two of us, we went to 5 information or interview sessions.  Information is key to decision making.   PA is considered a high risk state as even after consent is signed the birth mother has 30 days to change her mind. Also birth father laws are a little tricky.

This was the best description of PA law I found: 

 http://www.metzlewis.com/news/Adoption_Process_Overview.pdf

So, although we considered a local adoption, we don't think it's for us.  We moved on to a National Agency with offices all over the country. I got a referral from a good friend and talked to them about their experience.  By the way, I did this for almost every agency we went to see.  

 Here's what we thought:

• We like them.
• They are thorough. 
• Their site is amazing and full of information.  
• Their application process is extensive and your profile is of extreme importance.  
• You get to name your price in a way, although of course the more you put in the less you'll wait in the feeling you get. 
• There are over 230 families waiting at any one time.
• The birth mother picks you.
• There is little hand holding and probably won't hear from anyone after you are "live" on their site for a long while.  
• They cover you financially if the adoption is interrupted....i.e. miscarriage, mother changes her mind
• A 2 year wait is typical.
• For extra money you can request a gender but in general, they say it delays the process.

Our second agency came to us from a very reliable source....Rich's mom.  Her old teaching friends daughter adopted 2 boys from an agency run by a private attorney in Florida.  Florida is one of the best states in the country for adoptive parents. 

Read about the laws here: 

http://www.adoptionflorida.com/floridalaw.htm

The birth mother can sign consent after 48hours of the child's birth and it is irrevocable.  The birth father laws are interesting as there is a Paternal registry and if the birth father goes not register in a timely manner, his rights are terminated as well.  Of course there is A LOT more to it and lots of different scenarios depending on your situation.  

After speaking with mom's friends daughter, we thought it'd be worth the trip down to Florida to see this agency and speak with their attorney.  We left our son at home with the fam, and flew down for a long weekend. Woo hoo! Haven't had a weekend alone in let's say......2.5 yrs coincidentally!!

 Had a nice time and met up with a old friend of Rich's dads.  They live right at the beach and it was nice to meet/see them. 

We met with the attorney on our last day and here's what we thought:

•  Experienced.
• Honest. Overly honest.
• Aggressive (which is a + here)
• Gave details about the types of birth parents and how he connects with them.
• Does the visits with birth mother himself or has his son do it who is the other attorney in the practice. Birth mom's get familiar with both of them equally.
• He gives them what he promises.
• Perhaps a bit more costly but explained where every cent goes
• Wait time for a match a year he told us but from actual experience less than that (we hope!)
• Explained the entire court proceedings and legalities in detail.
• Biggest negative here is that if we have a interrupted adoption that we are NOT covered. We lose whatever money we have put in.
• We also would have to stay in FL about 5-6 business days to finish up paperwork. Not so bad ;)
• No gender requests.

So there you have it.  We are deciding.  In the meantime we can't do anything without our home study, so that is priority #1 right now. 

If you have an opinion. Please feel free to share!  Love to see comments :)

NEXT UP: If you were a tree, what tree would you be?

Let the Games Begin!!!

Today's topic.....the Homestudy.....well PRE Homestudy!  We have yet to actually have our home study so this is a short guide on how to get started.  Most agencies have their own social workers that can do your Homestudy.....as long as you are using an agency in your state or one that has offices in your state.  With that said, both agencies we are considering are NOT in our state, so we had to find a social worker who could help us.  There is always word of mouth, which is one of the best ways to go.  Actually, even if you are going with an agency out of state, many local agencies will let you hire their social workers just to do the homestudy.  Convenient too.  We felt though that perhaps going out of an agency might be more beneficial.  We went to
http://www.1-800-homestudy.com/

It seems weird, I know....just the name of it, but really we found a great social worker. Although we haven't even met yet, she has been so helpful getting us all the info that we will need to give her and a whole lot of advice via email. 


Here's what is required for PA residents: Note that if you are going to adopt our of your state, there may be additional things required:

1.) Copies of birth certificates

2.) Copy of marriage certificate, if applicable

3.) Copy of divorce decrees, if applicable

4.) Pennsylvania Criminal Clearances; these can be gotten online from the Pennsylvania State Police website or you may send for them via mail. You can print the form out from the website and mail it if you wish.

5.) Pennsylvania Child Abuse Clearances; you can get this form from the Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare's website.

6.) Three years of 1040 tax forms; only the first two pages.

7.) Three months of bank statements.

8.) Copy of deed to your home.

9.) Copy of your most recent mortgage statement.

10.) FBI clearances. These are the second part of the PA child abuse clearances that are now required for all adoptions. You can find directions for obtaining these at: www.pa.cogentid.com
(register online....go to a local fed-Ex offfice that offers fingerprinting (bring your receipt), voila....2 weeks later it arrives in the mail)

11.) Employer letters

Also, to get started is an 8-10 page autobiography of everything from your complete family member breakdown, to your childhood and teen life, your home life, marriage life, child experience, reason for adopting and health status.  Honestly, I hated writing term papers and it did seems daunting, but I wrote it in about 4 days. It's no Emily Dickinson for sure, but it gets the point across.  Did I mention both of you have to write one? Hence the delay a bit.


References-- I just emailed our family and friends that we chose to give us a reference.  It was hard to pick only 6 people and I hope no one gets offended.  We needed a span of different types of people.  It's a little nerve wracking not knowing how it's all going to turn out.  We don't get to see these reports but we have faith in our family and friends and know they have our best interest at heart.


We have gotten all of our clearances and I'm happy to tell you neither of us has a criminal history, child abuse history and we have been cleared by the FBI. Woo hoo!!!


Next up.....Decisions, Decisions.......

Backin it Up

So, we are not exactly at the beginning.  I'm going to back up with Step 1....Research.  This includes a whole of reading both online and in actual books and a whole lot of talking to anyone who knows anyone who has adopted.


 Below is the list of books I recommend for when you are just thinking about adoption.  You obviously don't have to read all of them cover to cover as there is a lot of repeat. I have found the information invaluable.  It helped make our decision regarding domestic or international.

Complete Adoption Book
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Adoption-Book-Everything-Adopt/dp/1593373694/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119153&sr=1-2

Complete Idiots Guide to Adoption
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Adoption-Second/dp/159257274X/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119153&sr=1-9

Adoption Resource Book (the bible! a must have)
http://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Resource-Book-4th/dp/0062733613/ref=sr_1_21?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119240&sr=1-21

Adoption for Dummies
http://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Dummies-Tracy-Barr/dp/0764554883/ref=sr_1_29?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119303&sr=1-29

You Can Adopt
http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Adopt-Adoptive-Families/dp/0345504011/ref=sr_1_49?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292119339&sr=1-49

Of course some of these books you can get from Ebay or from your local library but I found them extremely packed with information and very helpful.  Just be careful when you do read books that you get the latest edition possible as so many things change so quickly such as international law and state adoption laws.  New requirement come up all the time so keep up to date on the web as well. 


Once you are certain of your choice to adopt and can determine whether you want a child internationally or domestically, whether you are going to foster from the system or go with an agency, the sections of these adoption parts will jump out at you and you can concentrate on that information.  It's a lot to figure out.


For our family we have chosen an infant domestic adoption.  It was not a hard decision for us.  International right now is a difficult process even more so than a few years ago.  The red tape is not something we were interested in dealing with and of course a totally personal decision. 


So our search and research kind of started over so we can go back to the books and online resources to find out more about what it means to adopt domestically.  More to come on online resources later. 


Here we go......

Clink! Here's to the start of our Adoption Story

Welcome to my blog! Growing up, the thing to do was write in your journal, some of which I still have.  Today, blogging is the lazy person's version, of which I am extremely grateful for!  There are so many blogs about adoption journeys and I can't say mine will be fantastically different.  There is a common thread which we all go through.  My family and I are just starting our path and it's exciting and scary.


About us, a city dwelling family of 3....me, my husband our 2.5yr old biological son.  I've never thought I'd be categorizing a child like that and I don't plan too, but for this blogs sake, it does make a difference to differentiate.  We had our son with no issues.  I got pregnant on my wedding night at age 37.  Besides a c-section due to our son's crazy position, my pregnancy was thankfully uneventful.  I gave birth 2 weeks earlier than my scheduled C and never felt a single contraction.  My water broke at midnight and by 3:17am, we had a bouncing baby boy.  Of course, our life was forever changed.


Our son is the perfect child and I don't mean he's perfect.   He is a child in every way possible.....the whining, the tantrums, the volume.....he does everything a kid should do both, good and bad.  He has spoiled us and we want more.  We've always wanted more.  As a young girl, you dream about your perfect family. My dream was; married and 2 kids by 30. HA! Ah to be a kid again.  I was only 7 years off. Not too too bad!  My husband is one of four kids and I have an older sister.  There's was never any question of just one.  Selfish? Perhaps, but you have one life to live so live it as you wish.


I won't go into too many details right now, but 5 miscarriages later is where our adoption path began. Actually a little earlier as my research started after my 3rd.  I'm 40 and my body has had it and so have I.
Adoption is not 2nd best, but just a different 1st way of creating our family.  This blog is to serve myself first as it's a journey I want to remember.  Secondly it is to serve others, so that our experiences may benefit or help when it's time for their journey to begin.


Welcome to our World!! We are glad you are here :)